Call

Is it only me? Who feels nervous everytime i am making a call? Even it to my mom? My dad or my bro or my grandmom or anyone else? 

Dont know what to talk about. Just want to hear the voice. 

I am making plan. Planning to call them almost everyday and ended no one call was made. I feel nervous again and a little bit stressed. 

Happen almost everyday. 

At school i wait the school ends, go back to my room. Talk to myself,"I have to call now", but again, no call was made. 

Sometimes i could realize it. I called them. But still didnt know what to talk. Thats why i was quite, just be silent listened to them. 

Sometimes i have soooo many things to talk, but when i call, i do talk nothing. All the script i've made in my head just go, nothing left. And just realize it at the time the call end. 

I would be happy if you call me first and just talk, about anything. I love to listen to you. You. All of you. 

But it never happen to me, that my parents will call me first. The first and the last call since my arrival in japan was the time my dad call to the dorm's cable telephone in tokyo, almost 3 years ago. 

Sometimes they send me messages. I will call them when i could collect my bravery. And it takes time. 

Is it only me?